Cocktail, Tea, Me?
What I want to know is, when did the humble coffee table become the "cocktail table"?
We went out browsing today, and at every place we went, those low tables you set in front of a sofa were called "cocktail tables." And even when we asked a sales person about coffee tables, he or she would tell us that the cocktail tables were located all around the store.
Okaaaay. Is this like calling prunes "dried plums"? Or creme rinse, "conditioner"? Hey, let's sex up the name of this thing so that we can sell it more easily!
Part Two of The Weirdness happened while we were in a furniture store whose name begins with Value and ends in City. Don't laugh -- we stopped in because it was RIGHT. THERE. Freda greeted us at the door with a smile and an inquiry: did we need any help? We mentioned that we were looking for a coffee table, but nothing too dark. She said there might be some lighter cocktail tables three rows down. Sheesh! Even Value City is in on it!
Allan
and I moseyed around, and I was just kind of blandly looking at every
thing. Nothing much tickled my fancy. But we continued to mosey along,
and then it got weird. If you know me, you know I love music, but I
wasn't paying attention to what was being piped into the store. Then my ears
did that dog twist when I heard the opening notes of "Watching The
Detectives."
Nice girls, not one with a defect
Cellophane shrink-wrapped, so correct
Elvis Costello. In Value City. It just made me laugh to myself, you know, that inward "I'm blogging this" chuckle.
Cut to baby taking off her clothes
Close-up of the sign that says "We never close"
Allan asked if I wanted to keep looking. I might have rolled my eyes, so he said "You never know; we might find something over here." I still must have looked bored, so he did his best Judy Tenuta voice: "It could happen!"
He snatches at you and you match his cigarette
She pulls the eyes out with a face like a magnet
We wandered up another aisle, then Allan said "All of this stuff is either American Gothic or The Jetsons."
I don't know how much more of this I can take
She's filing her nails while they're dragging the lake
By this time I was giggling out loud. It was time to leave.
Just like watching the detectives
Don't get cute
Needless to say, we didn't purchase anything today. And so we remain sans table on which to set our coffee cocktails.
Like us, who are still using bar stools for end tables, and the floor for the magazines.
Someday.
Posted by: bhd | June 19, 2006 at 18:47
And for the record, when I have a cocktail while sitting on the sofa, I put it on the bar stool.
Posted by: bhd | June 19, 2006 at 18:51
I like to keep my cocktails where they belong, rolling right down my throat.
Posted by: Karan | June 19, 2006 at 19:52
ACK! Too bad we don't live closer. I'm trying to offload a nice coffe table from Ikea (they were still called coffee tables when I bought it). Combining households, we opted to keep the 'spensive Crate and Barrel one. It doubles as a fancy cat bed.
The Ikea one I have has little cubbies and baskets, meant for magazines, but you could turn the whole thing into a cocktail BAR and keep the bottles and glasses in ther. (sigh) Want to come and get it?
Posted by: Catheroo | June 19, 2006 at 21:46
You merely need a wood shop at home, and some board feet of nice wood like chestnut. If you liked cleaning up the picture frame from Pennsylvania with the Dremel tool, you're gonna love a joiner and Elmer's glue for your very first coffee/cocktail table wood shop project! Don't forget to go get detailed project plans first! See you in 2012!
Posted by: Monty | June 19, 2006 at 22:15
Did I mention the lathe?
Posted by: Monty | June 19, 2006 at 22:17
Okay, I am NOT fucking joining in on this one. A coffee table is a goddamn coffee table. I don't drink, so I got no use for a COCKTAIL table. But I drink a lot of coffee.
Whose idea was this? I'm sending a letter to my congressman. RAHR!!
Posted by: Thesaurus Rex | June 19, 2006 at 22:42
Cocktail tables?? (choke) Where in the heck did that come from?
Posted by: Margaret | June 20, 2006 at 00:38
i know of no cocktail tables. i only know of coffee tables. of course, it's been years since we were out shopping for furniture.
i see no advantage in renaming a table to cocktail especially now that America is crazy about coffee. and most Americans prefer beer or wine-- not cocktails. so really the whole things seems quite silly to me.
Posted by: ally bean | June 20, 2006 at 07:33
Ahhh, Value City. We hit that place a couple years ago whilst looking for some chairs. They had some, uh, interesting pieces of furniture. They're definitely not worthy of Elvis Costello.
Posted by: Chris | June 20, 2006 at 07:59
I can't go anywhere without noticing the music. In fact, yesterday we had to go to the mall because R needs some new New Balances. And that meant that we ended up at Foot Locker. (Only briefly, though. We don't know the password.) And after hearing all manner of musical invitations to work that booty, it was a relief to get back to Dillards, nice staid Dillards, where we left the mall to "The Boxer". La la la *crash* la la la la la la la...
Posted by: melanie | June 20, 2006 at 07:59
Comme les "amuses-gueules" qui sont devenus des "amuses-bouches". Ce monde devient horriblement snob.
Posted by: Gracianne | June 20, 2006 at 08:06
I've never heard of coctail tables. Sorry. Me mum in her home has a coffee table. As well as do I in my home.
Posted by: Eeva | June 20, 2006 at 08:10
I like how he has a "best" Judy Tenuta voice. As opposed to just the mediocre one.
Posted by: rachel | June 20, 2006 at 10:29
Three words: Pier One Imports. Plus, it never gets weird in there - they're always playing salsa music.
Posted by: Teresa | June 20, 2006 at 11:21
And do you sit on your _sofa_ or your _couch_ when you set your drink on the coffee/cocktail table?
~mags
Posted by: mags | June 20, 2006 at 11:37
you know...my friend who is a DJ for an NPR station in pittsburgh has a part in his 4 hr show that he dedicates to what music he hears in the "supermarket" or wherever there is shopping to be done. it has made me very much aware of this exact thing. i was so excited one time in a grocery store - when i heard Brad's - What The Day Brings...and i looked around for someone to share this amazing thing with, but i realized no one would probably know the song...which was even weirder...twilight zone??
Posted by: lily | June 20, 2006 at 12:24
Does this mean that now we have "cocktail books" instead of "coffee table books"? Oy. What's next?!
Posted by: Lily Bleu | June 20, 2006 at 13:29
pour a little bourbon in your coffee.... problem solved !
Posted by: Lee | June 20, 2006 at 13:59
Oh my - I haven't heard the term creme rinse in YEARS. I always thought that was a very Southern thing to do, that only women named LaVera Shawnelle would say creme rinse rather than conditioner.
Of course, now I think about it, my grandmother used to call it creme rinse. Of course, she was VERY southern. Iced tea and bacon grease ran in her veins.
Posted by: Crystal | June 20, 2006 at 21:58
Alas, now I am feeling very unhip! However, I have neither a cocktail table nor coffee table in my living room. I have a large trunk that I am very fond of which sits in the middle of the room and collects remotes and magazines.
Posted by: edieraye | June 21, 2006 at 02:10
There is something incredibly wrong about Elvis Costello being played in Value City!
You'll love that I invoked the hallowed name of WXXP on David's blog today....we must all be on the same cosmic music wavelength lately.
Posted by: Denise | June 21, 2006 at 10:09
Okay, you're gonna hate me for this---but they were cocktail tables before they were coffee tables...I think. Or cocktail tables are now known as side tables. Anyway...I know cocktail table is the old term...damn I AM ONLY 45---WHY DO I KNOW THIS???
Posted by: token | December 16, 2006 at 11:03